i can't stand watching sad movies anymore. or romantic ones. i hate romance. i hate sorrow. i hate everything he did to me and everyone who keeps reminding me about it. i am not in love with him and the only feelings i have for him are hard feelings.

today is thanksgiving. celebrating the people who ruined my ancestors lives.
mom had to work, but i ate with dad, elizabeth and her boyfriend, zak.
holidays just aren't fun anymore... they blend in with the other 365.
i just saw new moon with dawn and kat. it made me sad, and i still am. i'm still heartbroken and i want to just blow that absurd organ out with a gun. emotional pain vs physical pain is no competition.
this may seem cliche but, jacob = me, bella = zac and edward = steph. it just reminded me of that and that's why i feel re-heartbroken. or... the pain is being resurrected from a half way healed wound.

i only wanted to come on here and see that masterpiece of a 180 word ending after an ending to inglourious basterds. the movie comes out on dvd december 15. now that's a movie i can enjoy.

After obliterating Hitler, the Bear Jew returns as a hardcore bipolar wreck. Anyone who even mentions the word 'Nazi' is immediately effaced from memory.


This WAS for a Inglourious Basterds Eli Roth poster give-a-way until I read the terms and conditions that said it's only valid for United Kingdom residents.
I thought it would make a pretty good story line.

so in love with that song. and let's dance to joy division by the wombats. LOOOOVE joy division. i need to download all their albums, i think. so love interest = ex love interest. he's too popular. ick. whatever. i need to give uppppp. today mike was like, sara, i know you like me but i have a girlfriend, i'm sorry. i was like, fuck that. i don't like you dickface. FUCK IT. ayo, what happened to me writing all proper? oh shit, i had almost nothing to eat. okay, this is it: 4 orange peanut butter crackers, some of kayla's pasta at lunch, 2 cheese sticks, 2 rolls of ritz crackers, 2 chocolate granola bars. mmm, anorexia. i want rob's hat, bad. oh and my psychiatrist taught me how to manipulate, in this case, my french teachers. she hates me. :(
tea cup piggies are sososo cute. apparently, they make good pets and they're only 500$. i mean, compared to a price of a dog, that's cheap. cookie was around 1000$. i still want a tea cup poodle though but they're like, 3500$? they're hard to breed and sucks if they're not a toy.
i took a nap today and when i woke up there was a haggard smell and i was scared my room was burning down from my candle. but it was just the nasty sauerkraut hot dogs my dad made. the fuck would you cover them in sauerkraut for? i would not eat that. anorexia <3
what to wear tomorrow? i love dressing preppy. it makes me feel confident. fitch shirt? eeek. no idea. probably my sisters westconn hoodie and tall uggs. dashboard says the weather is going to be rainy and 62 degrees. perfect for looking like trash.
SHIT, one more thing. josh gave me three knives. one i am in lOVE with, oh my god. a black blade ahhh. i love josh, he is the best! oh yeah, i collect knives by the way. not sure when to break it to my parents though...

I'm really trying to calm myself. Everyone thinks I'm crazy. I mean, I do appreciate it, but I don't at the same time. The few friends I have really do like that I am 'out of the ordinary' but I feel if I was average I could have more friends. Whatever. MSN kids hate me. What a waste of computer space. I'm going to Kat's house tomorrow. You know, from all of this correct grammar I've noticed how many times I say "I" and then I feel extremely conceited. Shit, I was supposed to call my psychiatrist today. How about tomorrow? I wish I got to see her today. Sooo much to talk about with her. I don't feel well, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. :( I'm going to try and get Kat's lanyard and give it to her for safe keeps. Maybe Harrison can get it for me, for her. Can't wait to see her after school. Really. I just hope Josh doesn't beg to come. I need Kat-Sara time. IN OTHER NEWS. My love interest gave me a necklace today. He was playing with it above his back back and I said "that's really cute." and he said that I could have it if I gave him a pencil. Ahhhh, I really loved that pencil too. It was all chewed up and stuff. Weird he accepted it. The necklace isn't that great but it's special. :3 I can't stop cracking my knuckles! OH MAN. I just remembered Rob wanted to hang out after school. Sheesh. I need to start keeping an agenda, hahaha. Okay, off to call my psychiatrist. Hopefully.

Today it felt like somebody poured gasoline on my ribcage and threw a match in there. I miss Katryana so much it's unbearable. I am heartbroken. I know she's only 20 minutes away but it stills hurts. I won't be able to see her every day and I know I sound like her girlfriend or something but I'm so used to seeing her every day and talking to her 24/7, it's just rough. I'm not sure how to get my mind off of it.
I'm trying this new thing where I'm typing correctly, notice? In school I'm trying to improve my penmanship and I really enjoy writing in cursive. The progress reports are coming out and I'm nervous, I wish I could do well in school. I hope my grades are good. I keep thinking my parents think that I am a failure and they would rather of had a different child. Whatever, I'm really trying. Today in school I REALLY felt that feeling. The one where I crave to learn but not the BS they're teaching us. All I wanted to do was come home, grab Frankenstine and go sit in my father's recliner and read. However he came home early so that canceled that out because he always has to watch Judge Judy, haha. And then I went upstairs came on here and then took a nap until around 7:30. I waste my days by sleeping. I love it so much though. And I recently found out I love Daft Punk, AND AFI's new album came out today. I'm too lazy too listen just yet though. I hope they're still the same, Elizabeth says it's much more mellow than the usual AFI. Gah.

in love with this pinkish blackish flannel.
http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=10051&catalogId=10901&productId=559184&langId=-1&categoryId=12279&parentCategoryId=12203&colorSequence=01

maybe if i lost my hips i could own these, but you know.
http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10051_10901_515815_-1_12696_12205

i would be flawless. :3
http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P242109&categoryId=C21481

the PERFECT mascara.
http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P40404&categoryId=B10

not sure which one... but i'll especially need it for europe.
http://www.nikonusa.com/Find-Your-Nikon/Digital-SLR/index.page

i love candles. this one would be so delicious.
http://www.bondno9.com/shop/candles/downtown/view/andy-warhol-silver-factory-scented-candle

and of course this.
http://www.bondno9.com/shop/eau-de-parfum/midtown/view/andy-warhol-success-is-a-job-in-new-york

ALL. especially the rest of the colors in skinny low other than twilight. their jeans fit me perfectly.
http://www.madewell1937.com/2009/madewell_denim.html

that's it for now.

i just came home from driving around with kat, josh and kat's aunt, dawn. kat's mother beat the living shit out of her last night so she had to stay in the psycho ward over night. i ate dinner and my mom said that we had to wash our dishes after because apparently the tomato sauce stains the sink. i took my dad and my dishes and said i was going to wash them and he said i didn't have to so i went upstairs and called kats aunt and left a voicemail because kat wanted me to sleep over her aunts with her. i came down stairs and my mom says "thanks for washing your dishes, guys" and then started washing them and my dad said he would wash them. they got into a big fight and my mom was going, you're an alcoholic and you need to go to AA and i don't even want to talk to you and all this BS. my dad said he didn't even want to start with her, although he clearly did. he was saying she's crazy and needs tranquilizers to calm her down.

it's so nice outside, my nose is hella stuffy though. i think i have a little bit of a cold. :( my dad and i are gonna go apple picking later. i was online last night and i was looking through perfumes and they have andy warhol perfumes. i thought that would be the best present ever for my momma but, they were around 200$. i was so disappointed! maybe one day. and i'm sure they smell heavenly. here i'll go find them.

http://www.bondno9.com/shop/eau-de-parfum/midtown/view/andy-warhol-success-is-a-job-in-new-york


Notes: Bergamot, Cardamon Seed, Mandarin, Coriander, Nutmeg, Pimento, Tuberose, Rose de Mai, Jasmine, Forbidden Plum, Iris, Patchouli, Benzoin and Vanilla

lord, please let me come across 440$ in the next week so i can purchase one for my mother and one for me. amen!


i was taking videos of myself cracking my knuckles yesterday, hahahah. i'm really gonna miss it. :( but i most definitely have to stop, my knuckles are manly! sheeesh.
i wish kat wasn't grounded. she ran away from home again. this time she went to her aunts. i want her to come apple picking. :( i think i need more friends.

boy's have so much power over me. i've noticed this lately. everytime i'm around a boy i turn stupid. not that typical stupid like WUT IS DOG? but a different kind. or maybe it's just a feeling. i know i let them take advantage of me. arrr, cute boys. especially them. they make me melt inside. no. they make me feel like someone just washed my rib cage with anti-freeze. that horrible feeling. i despise every single one of them but, something, somewhere, is trying to fight that though. i hate you, whatever-part-of-my-brain-you-are. not heart, brain. following your heart only hurts worse.

well, that's it. in other news i felt extremely, horribly anxious today. i had a boy in my gym class not notice i was behind him so he stretched and kicked me in both my shins in one shot. christians cute. andy's cute. uhhh. not juan. jenna and nicole drew an anarchy sign on jenna's backpack and i wanted to shred her apart so bad it hurt my gut. i didn't though. i really need to start being nice, people are starting to dislike me. or fear me? that'd be cool. but sometimes i want friends. i hate killing my hair with a straightener but i look so cute. or atleast better then i usually do with my nappy native hair. msn is taking a part of my life over. it's very dramatic, yet fun. it would make a cool soap opera. only change the events to real life situations. i still want to make a horror film about my life.

67. i have anxiety.
68. i believe a big part of the reason why i have anxiety is because of my ex boyfriend.
69. i hate his guts more then anything. i wish i could inject him with an aids ridden syringe in his face. i hope he gets cancer. the reason his dad died is because he turned gay. his mom doesn't love him anymore because he broke up with me. i want to secretly put human brains in his food so he develops kuru.
70. i've been learning that: washing clothes = good.
71. i traded beds with my mom now i have a full sized bed.
72. i wish my parents were divorced.
73. i love the mythbusters.
74. sometimes i wish i was an astronaut.
75. once i told my parents i had been thinking about suicide and they laughed at me.
76. i always think about making a horror film about my life but dramatizing it to the max.
77. i miss courtney.
78. i feel like i've set myself up for failure and that's why my life is so imperfect.
79. i cannot wait to live on my own.
80. driving is fun. i wish i was old enough.
81. i will never post this anywhere except here and no one knows about my livejournal and i would never want anyone to know about it because it's too personal. i can't keep a real diary because i know someone would get ahold of it and find out all of my secrets.
82. i've been biting my nails a lot lately.
83. my dad used to be a surfing legend in southern rhode island.
84. my mom was almost prom queen at her high school in bristol, connecticut.
85. she says she was also voted best dressed.
86. i miss gram.
87. i wish i got to meet my other 3 grandparents.
88. i wish my family was more tightly bound.
89. i always thought i was pretty until i came into high school.
90. i love narraganset, rhode island.
91. my dad is trying to teach me to surf.
92. i love the ocean. dodging waves and body surfing and boogie boarding all are my favorites.
93. i wish i had more friends sometimes.
94. i wish more people supported me.
95. i hate photo editing.
96. i wish i had a best friend like all those other girls do. a 'stereotypical' best friend.
97. i was born on the first day of winter, 1994.
98. apparently, the world is going to end on my 17th birthday.
99. i do not believe that.
100. i love my dog, cookie.
101. i used to have a dog named lucky, we had to put him down because he got hit by a car.
102. they're both dachshunds.
103. the academy is... used to be my favorite band until they started sucking.

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